Ogrelords 2: The More than Equal Sequel
by MorayEel
Summary: The continuation of Ogrelords by me long ago! Shrek and Aggron Stonebreaker, the Ogre Magi, have teamed up and destroyed the Dire's Ancient. Now the ogres have set their sights on Duloc! What will happen along the way, and when they get there? Rated T for some some unpleasant things unfolding.
1. Chapter 1: Radiant Victory

The Dire's ancient was in ruins in the Radiant jungle. Many mindless creeps, and to an extent, mindless heroes perished at the hands of Aggron Stonebreaker, the Ogre Magi, and his newly found friend, Shrek. Shrek grew to a terrifying size thanks to repeated casts of bloodlust, which seemed to make Shrek grow much bigger than any other hero. Using his colossal and shirtless form to his advantage, he devoured one of the Dire heroes and hurled the ancient far away, causing Aggron Stonebreaker's team to win. Pleasantly surprised by the power the two (or three, depending how you look at it) of them could muster, Shrek decided to pay Duloc a visit. Aggron Stonebreaker followed suit.

"Ha ha ha! He he he! That sure was fun!" Bellowed the left head of the Ogre Magi, as Shrek knocked down many trees with his big and sweaty limbs on his journey to Duloc. "But, uh, where exactly are we going?" questioned the right head.

"This place called Duloc. They've been disturbing me for quite some time, sending these little knights to try and get rid of me and me swamp. I think I- er, we'll take care of it once and for all." Shrek answered as he continued to carve a path through the woods, growing increasingly pissed off when tree branches fell and hit Shrek on his heavily muscled torso.

"Ya know, why we're we botherin' with that hunk of rock anyway? You called it an "Ancient" and wanted it gone, why?" Shrek asked as he stopped and turned back to the blue ogre.

"I don't know." One of the heads said. "Me neither," The other one said, "I didn't liked the way it looked. It looked stupid."

Shrek was greatly humbled by the reply and thought that it was a good enough of a reason to eradicate this "Ancient". While he was having a conversation about the Ancient, a thought crossed his mind regarding his current being.

"Can ya hook me up with some more of that magic to help me grow? That stuff's the finest magic I've ever seen!"

A sudden "oh shit" expression appeared on both of the Ogre Magi's heads.

"About that, well, we really can't. We don't-"

"What do you mean, you can't? You did it before, so do it again!" Shrek ordered, with his voice becoming much more intimidating. Suddenly, he felt himself starting to shrink back to his normal size. The rush of being an unstoppable behemoth of the swamp was fading away. Shrek's anger turned into worry.

"That's because we're out of mana! We need mana to do it again!" The right head spoke.

"Just give us some time. Okay?" The other head spoke, seemingly oblivious to the green ogre almost ready to kill. Luckily, the magic wore off, so Shrek was back to his normal size. He just now realized that he was shirtless, and the muscles vanished from his skin, for the most part. He wouldn't be turning big again anytime soon since the Ogre Magi required more mana to keep up the effects. He sighed and continued on through the thick of the woods, now going much slower since he wasn't a giant anymore. That's when he noticed the sun going down and the day was being brought to an end.

"Looks like it's time to stop for now. We'll get to Duloc tomorrow." Shrek said as he noticed the damage he left in his wake of many downed trees and hundreds of branches being thrown away into the mud.

"You know how to build a fire, right? I've seen you do fire tricks before."

"Fire?" The right head of the Ogre Magi spoke.

"Yes, fire! You know what fire is right? We'll need it to set up camp here."

"Fire?!" The left of the Ogre Magi spoke.

"Oh for crying out loud…" Shrek moaned out loud, but before he could say anything else, the two-headed ogre raised his club high above his head. Small embers started to burn freely out of the club's mouth and onto the ground where they quickly became extinguished.

"Fire! Burn! What are we burning? Let's burn something!" Both heads were happily cheering about at the prospect of igniting something; anything. Nothing could please a simple ogre more than using magic to create fires to burn practically anything down to the ground. Shrek shrugged and started to gather up some stones and hefty branches to build a strong fire to keep him and his friend warm, as well as maybe cooking any animals foolish enough to be captured. Shrek did all the work of gathering the sticks and stones and arranging them in the tree-less clearing while the Ogre Magi danced around happily at the thought of burning things, but never actually doing so.

Eventually, the fireplace was set up. All that was needed was a way to ignite it.

"Well now, Aggron, we got ourselves a fireplace! Now we need a fire!" Shrek getting Aggron Stonebreaker's attention. Before the two ogres stood quite the fire place; a perfect ring of stones with a formation of strong, slow-burning branches inside to fuel a fire for some time.

"Do we burn that?" One of the heads asked dumbly, as dumb as a big piece of wood in a pond.

"Yep. You know what to do!" Shrek answered, standing proudly and smiling with his knuckles on his hips waiting for the two-headed ogre to show that fireplace what for. A minute passed before Shrek's smile and attitude petered out. Ogre Magi stared at the fireplace idly, drooling, almost as if he fell asleep. Shrek walked behind him and tapped him on his shoulder.

"Huh? Whu-huh!" The left head said as it snapped out of its daze of confusion, startled by Shrek's meaty hand. The right head looked around in disgust.

"Uh, Aggron. The fireplace. Right there. Start it, shall you?" Shrek asked politely as Aggron Stonebreaker finally realized what Shrek wanted him to do.

"Then why didn't you say something?" The right head said as the left head was focused on the fireplace, imagining it burning as brightly as it could. Shrek opened his mouth and tried to say something, but shook his head and hand.

"All right! Step back and let the experts handle this!" The left head said as Aggron Stonebreaker scrambled to his feet and clutched his arcane club. There was enough mana pent up from the time Shrek spent gathering the materials to cast a fireblast spell.

"Okay! Three, two…two!" Aggron said as both of his arms worked together to jut the club forward and spontaneously combust the fireplace with a considerable, but very flashy, explosion. And again. And again. And again, causing not one, but four instances of fireblast being cast on the fireplace at the same time. After the initial flames and smoke cleared, all that remained was a pitifully tiny pile of ash with rapidly-cooling embers.

"That's how we do!" Pure skill!"

Shrek sighed heavily and put his back up to a sturdy tree near the once-was fireplace and went to sleep. Aggron Stonebreaker did the same soon enough, overflowing with childish joy of expressing his dominance over some rocks and pieces of wood.


	2. Chapter 2: Feeding Time

Shrek woke up at the first crack of dawn while Aggron Stonebreaker continued to sleep heavily. He looked quite peaceful while sleeping and not burning things, but Shrek decided to wake him up anyway. They were on a journey to Duloc, and the quicker they could get it over with, the better. Shrek placed his sweaty, dirty hand on Aggron's shoulder and shook him hard to wake him up. It took quite a lot of effort to do so, but he finally woke up with all of his mana recovered.

"Well, looks who's up, sleepy heads! I reckon we should get a move on after your little incident last night! Do you have any more mana to make me bigger again?" Shrek talked to Aggron Stonebreaker as he started to get up on his feet and scratch his navel.

"We're ready to show you even more of our skill!"

"Just tell us when and we'll do it!"

Shrek was pleased. At the same time, he was disturbed by the giant rumbling of an ogre's stomach. Since the fire wasn't as successful as Shrek hoped to be, he and his companion missed out on dinner. Luckily, all ogres eat nature, and they were in the very heart of it. Shrek asked if Aggron Stonebreaker was as hungry.

"Nope!"

"Yep." Another argument erupted between the two heads on whether or not they should go look for food. That's when Aggron Stonebreaker suddenly had an idea, somehow. He fished around in his knapsack until he pulled out a big leaf with four small, green orbs resting on them. Shrek raised an eyebrow at what was just pulled out as Aggron started to explain.

"It's a tango!" "You put 'em against a tree then swallow it! They taste great!" he explained, having a lot of experience with them. Shrek was very suspicious of these tangos, but Aggron hadn't done Shrek any harm…yet. Still, if these little orbs can do what he claimed, then they should be good on food for a while.

"Is that so? Well, I supposed it wouldn't hurt to try any," Shrek said as he took one of the orbs and looked at it. "How do these work, again?"

Aggron Stonebreaker didn't hear a word Shrek said as he pressed one of the tango orbs against a tree. Almost instantaneously the majority of the tree's mass got funneled and sucked into the small orb, which began to shimmer. It was quickly popped in Aggron's left maw and swallowed whole. An aura of green leaves and branches started to orbit around the Ogre Magi, indicating the tango's effects kicking in. All the while Shrek observed and stroked his beardless chin before trying it for himself.

His tango orb was pressed against the tree he slept against, and the same thing happened. Violent noises of tree limbs snapping and leaves getting dislodged from said limbs filled the air as the tree was vigorously compressed into the tiny orb in Shrek's hand. It felt considerably heavier than before, and Shrek put it in his mouth and felt it slide down his throat like the unidentified mass of foliage he gorged himself upon on most days. The taste was a weaker version of a various mixture of plants and fungi, with a lot more dirt and bark added in.

"Never eaten a tree before. Now that's good stuff!" Shrek said, before burping loudly and quickly killing a small family of beetles flying in front of his face that barely managed to escape the tree being stuffed into a tango orb. Shrek's stomach was quite full for now as he felt the warmth of an entire tree start to be distributed across his entire body.

"That's what I call an ogre's breakfast, hah! Ready to move out now?" Shrek called out to Aggron Stonebreaker, looking sad at the used leaf that once contained the tango orbs before shoving it in his right maw instead of discarding it on the earthy floor. Both heads nodded in a rare unison of approval as they started to continue forward to reach Duloc or a band of ravenous and racist hunters, depending on what came first. After only about an hour of hiking, the tree line was replaced with a large field of tall corn stalks. Since there were no longer any tall trees obstructing their view, Shrek looked off to the right and saw Lord Farquaad's castle. It was bigger than any castle could've hoped to be. Some say it was far too compensating for any lord that lived within its walls.

"There she is! That's the heathen place called Duloc! Time to show those bastards some ogre power, eh, Magi?" Shrek said as started to venture through the inexplicable field of corn stalks towards Duloc, when suddenly, he heard some very saddening and trapped cries behind him…

"Brother! Where did you go?"

"No, were did you go, brother! I'm scared! They're gonna eat me!"

"No, they'll eat me! Help!" "Help! Help! We've been captured!"

Shrek turned around and saw the two-headed ogre in a state of hysteria from the field surrounding him. A situation with an ogre freaking out in a field of corn stalks would go from bad to worse instantly if a couple of stray strands of flame brushed against one of the thousands of stalks…

"Oy, Magi! Right here! Look at me!" Shrek said, trying to pacify Aggron Stonebreaker. The two-headed ogre stared coldly at Shrek.

"There's nothing to be afraid of here! Nothing! See, I'll prove it to ya!"

Shrek grabbed a corn stalk and yanked it out of the ground, showing Aggron Stonebreaker that they were harmless, stupid plants.

"See? You can kill'em just like that! And you can even eat them sometimes! Watch this!"

Shrek grabbed a stalk of corn blindly, and yanked out of the ear of corn hidden inside.

"You ever see corn before? It won't kill ya!"

Shrek then bit the ear of corn in half in a single bite, chewed on it loudly, and swallowed the disgusting mass of food. Suddenly corn didn't look scary for Aggron Stonebreaker now.

"Oh. I knew that." "No you didn't, shut up!"

Shrek butted in before the argument could get more heated in more ways than one.

"Listen, just pull yourselves together and let's get to that castle! Grab my hand if you need to…" Shrek said as both ogres held hands to avoid getting lost in a massive field of corn. Shrek would've opted not to do this if he could, but since he blended in nearly flawlessly with the surrounds, he didn't have much of a choice. It was this, or let Aggron Stonebreaker accidently set fire to the surrounding field. The choice to make was obvious.

Not much time passed before the two ogres came to the end of the corn field and broke contact with each other. As they came into the open, Shrek suddenly got excited,

"Magi, you got plenty of mana in you, right?"

"Certainly! We have more mana than you could hope!" "Why you ask?"

Shrek's smile grew big enough to reveal his slimy and foul teeth.

"Because I have a plan. A big plan. Oh, you'll see it soon."


	3. Chapter 3: A Day at Duloc

The two ogres were standing in the Lancelot parking lot and just outside the city walls of Duloc. In front of them stood a single knight and a formation of velvet ropes and stands to make travelers to Duloc enter in an organized manner (such things were useless to ogres) while keeping out the riff-raff.

"Oh, hello there…" Shrek said while he and Aggron Stonebreaker approached the knight, trying to take a more friendly approach. But the knight only saw two big, smelly, lumbering beasts that only live to make jelly out of peoples' eyes. The knight's eyes were as wide as dinner plates as he let out a great gasp of terror and started to retreat deeper into Duloc, abandoning his guard duty. Shrek shook his head in disappointment at not being able to toy with one of Farquaad's soldiers.

"Eh, he probably wasn't much fun anyway. " Shrek said as he walked right through the pitiful props, causing most of them to be snagged on his giant belly. Shrek stepped out of the mess of ropes he pulled forward and stood before the entrance gate to Duloc. Shrek scratched his ass and contemplated how he will execute his plan, exactly. That's when some of the citizens stepped out onto the street to see what all the commotion was about, thanks to due fleeing knight. The citizens turned their attention to the shirtless Shrek and the terrifying Aggron Stonebreaker standing in the street. They suddenly knew why one of the knights started to flee.

"It's-It's some of those Fairy-Tale Freaks!" One of them said.

"Help! Ogres have entered the town! Ogres!" Another one said as all of the citizens started to run away far, far away from the pair of ogres. The citizens' reaction showed Duloc has a big problem dealing with ogres that breached the walls. Shrek put his hands on his hips smiled proudly at himself for making the peasants shit themselves and fleeing before the fearsome ogres.

"Looks like this'll be easier than I thought. Let's go to that castle and see what they have for us. Whadda ya say?"

Both of the ogres walked down the street casually, causing all nearby to be petrified with incomparable fear. Many creatures known commonly as "Fairy-Tale Freaks" Were highly feared and reviled within the walls of Duloc, going as far as setting up bounty hunts to lock up these freaks in a dingy dungeon, or executed on the spot. Ogres naturally fell under this category, and were seen as the worst of the bunch. At the same time, nobody wanted to go and find ogres to eradicate from this land, due to the stories of ogres devouring dozens of men at once and pinning their skin on the walls of their homes. Stories like that may very well come true, given the type of company Shrek had.

During their stroll down the main road of Duloc stood a humble market of various fruits and vegetables that was off to the left. Behind it was a tall peasant that never bathed in all his life, humming and waiting for customers to buy his goods. Shrek saw this stand, and spotted some giant, high-quality onions on sale. Shrek rubbed his sausage fingers across his chin, getting an idea of how to toy with the locals, other than showing up uninvited as being a "Fairy-Tale Freak".

"Hey magi, see that poor bastard over there? Just play along with me, this'll be good."

"Do we get to hit something?"

"Maybe. Just come on."

Shrek straightened out his back to make himself more intimidating as he wandered to the humble peasant. His humming was cut short as Shrek and Aggron Stonebreaker approached the market stand. He keep his eyes peeled and could only watch in horror as to what Shrek had in mind.

"Well, well, well! What do we have here?" Shrek said with a slime-eating grin as he looked at his wares. "Looks like business hasn't been quite good for you, eh? All you seem to have are the little scraps you'd find after the harvest."

"Y-yes…sir." The peasant squeaked weakly.

"This won't do. Not at all." Shrek added, as Aggron Stonebreaker picked up a couple loose pieces of gravel off the street and chucked it at the man. He cowered in fear, as if it were white-hot coals, making Aggron giggle.

"You see, my friend and I are quite hungry. The things you have won't satisfy us."

"Not one bit." "Nope." Aggron Stonebreaker said as he started to clutch his club with both hands. The eyes on his two heads started to light up in prospect of hitting something hard.

"B-But, it's all I have. You c-can take it for fr-free. Will that be okay?" The peasant said, trying to make a compromising deal. Shrek looked up at the sky and started to laugh; his voice soon becoming booming.

"No, no, no. You don't get it. You see, friend, when you don't give an ogre what he wants, you know what he is gonna do?" Shrek said as he scrunched up his fingers.

"What?" The peasant weakly replied.

"OGRE SMASH!" Shrek yelled as he raised his arms and used his brutish strength to drop his arms on the wooden stand of fruits and vegetables, crushing it into a dozen pieces. Some of the fruits and vegetables were squashed by Shrek's fearsome blow, painting the underside of his arms a sickly red-orange, while the rest rolled onto the street. The peasant yelled in great terror.

At that instant, Aggron Stonebreaker brandished his club and clocked the peasant on his head, making a crisp "quishk!" noise from the peasant's skull being fractured. He stumbled back a few paces then fell on the ground, writhing in agony. Aggron Stonebreaker proceeded to pummel the peasant many times with his club; liquidating his chest into a goopy, sticky, gag-reflex inducing pulp of mashed muscles and bone. Aggron Stonebreaker continued to pound away, spraying more viscous liquids on his burly, blue body. Even after the peasant was long dead, his remains continued to be violently assaulted.

"Hitting stuff is fun!" "Ah huh huh huh! He he hahaha!" Aggron Stonebreaker cried, having the time of his life teaching a random and innocent man a lesson nobody deserved to be taught. Shrek raised an eyebrow as he saw Aggron making a fine paste out of the peasant that Shrek toyed with. He figured enough was enough as he grabbed Aggron's meaty arm to stop him from making an even bigger mess.

"Alright, alright, that's enough. I think he got the point." Shrek calmed down the rampaging ogre to the point where Shrek could take him out of his sight to pick up a handful of onions that was barely damaged from the collapsed stand. Shrek grinned and looked at the onions, before he heard the ear-piercing noises of men moving around in cheap suits of armor. Shrek looked up in curiosity in the same direction of the noise and saw a group of twenty knights armed with spears, swords, and shields. They were a good thirty feet away from Shrek, being very cautious about their wellbeing.

"Magi…" Shrek addressed to Aggron Stonebreaker, not turning his head to look at what Aggron was doing. He was wiping off the excess blood from his body and club while admiring the horribly unrecognizable corpse of the peasant he murdered.

"Now's the time."

Both of Aggron Stonebreaker's heads turned towards Shrek, taking the hint to start readying his club to cast bloodlust…


	4. Chapter 4: The Ogrelord Cometh

In front of Shrek stood a hefty group of knights armed with the finest weaponry, standing a good distance from him. Aggron Stonebreaker was behind Shrek, wiping off the blood that splashed onto him as he was eagerly waiting to power up Shrek. One of the knights spoke out to the ogres,

"We have direct orders from Lord Farquaad to place you under arrest! Do not make any sudden movements, or we will be forced to use lethal force! If you just keep your hands-"

Shrek didn't budge an inch from the knight's request. Before the knight could finish, Shrek intervened,

"So, Lord Farquaad sent you to apprehend us? Say we just stand right here, then what? Are you gonna throw us in a trial then execute us on behalf of your lord?" Shrek said, taunting the knights.

"Listen here, ogres! This is your last warning; submit and-"

Shrek cut off the knight again, narrowing his eyes and donning a sadistic grin.

"No, no, no, let me tell you something," Shrek said as he flattened his palm to reveal the onions in his hand. "Onions and ogres have a lot in common. Onions have layers. Ogres, like my friend and I, have layers. Now, what do you usually do with onions?" Shrek said before starting to skillfully peel away the onions with one hand. "You peel the layers back, again and again, to see what's underneath. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. But, if you have a bad onion…" Shrek snapped his fingers, signaling Aggron Stonebreaker to deliver the first cast of bloodlust.

"…you shouldn't peel away many layers," Shrek said with a deeper voice, as he begun to grow bigger and smellier; doubling up. The knights looked up at Shrek, quivering in their tin cans' worth of armor.

"Because you won't be happy with what you find! Unless, you're happy with discovering…" Shrek continued to speak, as more doses of bloodlust were being funneled into him. Each cast of bloodlust, Shrek took a step forward, and listed an attribute of a bad onion to get the point across the knights.

"A vile…"

"Repulsive…"

"Monstrous thing with no more layers protecting it!"

All the bloodlust magic was starting to go to Shrek's head as he threw the onions down his throat and swallowed them whole. He was approximately fifty feet tall as his voice became quite deep and terrifying. To complement his large size, Shrek suddenly developed an unquenchable thirst for violence…

"The ogre's going to kill us all! Abort, abort!" The knights pleaded as they dropped their weapons and started to flee. Aggron Stonebreaker looked off to the side and saw the fleeing knights, and decided that they weren't going to live to see another day. Grabbing a small glass vial full of highly flammable and sticky chemicals, he tossed it in the air and batted it directly at the knights. The vial broke and splashed the burning liquids onto those in the back of the pack. Normally, one small vial wouldn't be enough to douse all the knights in an agonizing, sticky coating of burning chemicals, but who said anything about using only one?

"Oh ho! Again!" The left head of Aggron said, upon a secondary vial leaping up to be in a perfect position to be batted at the group of knights. It was batted farther to the right to further bog down the group.

"And again!" The right head cried out in joy as a third vial took the place of the second; launching to the left of the group. And to top off the Ogre Magi's dumb but brilliant luck,

"And another one!" Both heads cried as a fourth and final vial jumped in the air to be knocked to the head of the group. Every knight in the pack was now drenched in the burning chemicals; being greatly slowed from the pain as they were cooked in their suits of armor. It gave Shrek enough time to catch up and deal with the knights.

"OGRE SMASH!" Bellowed Shrek while raising his right foot high and holding it for just a moment, before bringing it down to the ground and sending an extremely powerful shockwave through the ground. Dozens of pieces of cobbling were shaken loose as the shockwave traveled in all directions. Most of the knights lost their footing and face planted onto the dirty road, while the rest were thrown into the air and came down harder. Now with the pack of knights halted, Shrek raised his left foot and brought it down as hard as he could on the downed knights, turning all of them into a wretched pulp. Sharp pieces of metal cut into Shrek's putrid ogre flesh, forcing out a traumatizing scream that fell on all the ears present in Duloc. To add insult to injury, Aggron Stonebreaker commented on the knight-pulp while fueling Shrek's state,

"That had to hurt." "I almost feel bad."

Not far from where Shrek and Aggron were, there stood an arena packed with spectators watching a similar number of knights stand before Lord Farquaad, not yet hearing the cry of Shrek.

"Glorious knights! Here you shall test your strength and decide which of you shall be my champion to bring me my fiancé! Oh, but do not fear! There-"

Shrek's cry swept across all present in the arena, causing an unsettling wave of silence to settle in afterwards. Farquaad's speech was shoved to the bottom of his priority list.

"Barnes, what was that?" Farquaad said as he turned and whispered to one of the knights on his side.

"I…I don't want to know…"

Farquaad was angry at Barnes not knowing what that awful noise was. Since there was absolutely no way he was going to get up and figure it out, he proposed a new plan for his knights.

"Okay everyone! Change of plans! Whoever finds out whatever that noise was, and if it was a Fairy-Tale Freak, kills it, will become my champion! Now, I know that some of you may die, but it is a sacrifice that-"

Farquaad's second statement was interrupted. This time it wasn't a fear-inducing scream of pain, it was the very ground rattling underneath the footsteps of Shrek. Deep earthquake-like thumps could be heard by everyone. Farquaad grew even more stressed.

"Gah! Look, will someone please just go out there and see what is going on?" Farquaad ordered to the knights in the arena, as the thumps grew louder and rattling. They looked at each other in dismay under their helmets before turning around to do their duty of serving Lord Farquaad. As they started to leave, a tall shadow was cast over the knights. They looked up, and saw the last thing they would see.

A gargantuan, shirtless, rank ogre peered over the stone gate of the arena and looked down at the knights. Stained yellow teeth covered in thick, greasy saliva could be made out from his partially open and smiling mouth. Sickening greenish-yellow liquid glowed as it coursed through his veiny muscles and eyes. The unmistakable stench of rotten onions radiated from his revolting skin. Shrek laughed at the back of his throat as he opened his mouth,

"Hey now, you're a ROCKSTAR." Shrek bleated, before pushing the stone formation over the gate to the arena out of his way, causing dozens of man-sized chunks of rocks to shoot forward and tumble down on the arena. Some of the knights and a handful of spectators were crushed from the falling debris. The arena was now cleared for Shrek to wander through. On Shrek's back was Aggron Stonebreaker, laughing without a care in the world as they rode on Shrek's shoulder, oblivious to the demise of everything around them.

Lord Farquaad's expression was that of utmost, genuine shock and awe as the archers took aim with their crossbows, hoping to subdue the pair of ogres now before it was too late.


	5. Chapter 5: Multi-Ogre Battle Arena

Shrek stood in front of the ruined gateway to the arena with Aggron Stonebreaker on his back, scooting up to his shoulder to sit and watch the chaos from a better angle. A handful of knights and hundreds of people looked hopelessly at the pair of ogres. Lord Farquaad and the two knights beside him looked straight on, looking more hopeless and dead than the others at the ridiculous sight of a massive Fair-Tale Freak before him.

"What-What in the world is that thing!?" He cried out loud. Shrek only breathed heavily and stared down on Lord Farquaad, unaware of the knights taking aim at him with crossbows.

"Ogre Magi!" "The very same!" Aggron Stonebreaker beat his chest as he announced himself and Shrek. "This right here's Shrek!" "He's got all the ideas." "But we got all the spells, and the smarts to use 'em, too!"

"They're hideous! How could such vile creatures exist?!" Farquaad shrieked.

"What's the matter? Haven't ye seen an ogre?" Shrek said in his loud, deep voice from being ginormous. Each word he spoke heavily carried the scent of raw sewage and rotting vegetation. Lord Farquaad coughed and sputtered when the putrid aroma reached his delicate nostrils. He took that as the last straw.

"Kill the ogres! Kill them!" He pleaded as he and the two knights by his side quickly descended to ground level to retreat into the castle

"Don't look at me. I didn't become a knight to fight a bloody giant!" Barnes said as Farquaad decided to retreat farther and higher in his castle in a state of utmost panic, instead of taking another way out and fleeing on horseback like a sane person would.

"I'm not getting my bones made into his bread! That's your job!" Farquaad exclaimed. Luckily for Farquaad, he had the best engineers in the land, which resulted in a very convenient yet simple elevator to be used to quickly traverse his castle. This was the best time to use it, as the three piled in and pulled the lever to go all the way up.

"That bastard'll never get up here time!" Farquaad said, trying to reassure himself that the ogres will never get him as he went higher to his castle, which he suddenly regret making so damn tall to make up for his small statue.

Meanwhile, as Farquaad vanished from the arena, the remaining knights tried to fend off the behemoth known as Shrek. They stabbed away at his thick yet flabby flesh with their weapons to the best of their ability. Small puncture wounds were made throughout Shrek's feet, causing very little pain to be felt by Shrek. The stench of burnt onions and garlic was released into the air as sickly and steamy greenish-red blood leaked out of his wounds. A mere whiff was taken by the guards as the aroma was far too overpowering for them to cope with.

"Ha ha! They're just MOSQUITOES!" Shrek said as he swatted the dazed knights into the walls with one mighty swipe, making some more knight-paste. With most of the groundlings taken care off, the archers started to fire away at Shrek and Aggron Stonebreaker in a barrage of bolts. Most of the bolts hit Shrek, and again, very little pain was felt. Each bolt that managed to pierce his putrid skin resulted in more of the raunchy blood and odors being released to the open world. This time, the odors were potent enough to have visible stench lines radiate from Shrek's wounds, killing various weeds present. Some of the bolts hit Aggron Stonebreaker, causing the familiar yet painful feeling of turning into a pin cushion. Both heads grunted in pain, suddenly becoming as pissed off and violent as Shrek.

Shrek heard the voices of his two-headed friend in pain, and turned towards the row of archers that struck the Ogre Magi. As the archers started to reload and take aim once more, Shrek brought Aggron Stonebreaker close enough to take revenge on those that shot him.

"Get going!" "On it!" The heads yelled in an ogre battle cry as Aggron Stonebreaker hopped off Shrek's shoulder and started to whack away on the knights as if they were the puny creeps he slaughtered in the past. A second volley of bolts from the other side was imbedded into Shrek's back. One of the bolts hit a nerve cluster on his back, which made Shrek furious, yet at the same time, somewhat bloated in the back of his throat.

Shrek whipped around at the set of archers behind him. Before the Archers could do anything significant, the buildup of gases grew big enough to be put to use as Shrek released a thunderous belch that washed over all his mouth was above. The raw force of his belch broke off pieces of armor and dismantled the crossbows, while bombarding the now-exposed archers to Shrek's breath. The stench was rotten enough to collapse the lungs of the archers, causing them to vomit and cough uncontrollably until they died from shock.

"Have some of this!" "And this! Ho ha!" "Burn!"

The sounds of the Ogre Magi having a ball could be heard across the arena against the cacophony of confused and panicked shrieks of innocent bystanders. Shrek was pleased to hear his friend having such a great time extracting revenge from those that tried to turn him into a walking pincushion. He peered back and saw several archers get thrown over the edge and receive a hard landing. Faint wisps of smoke and embers could be seen off in the corner, indicating that some were burnt to a crisp out of pure skill. One last archer was cowering in the corner, helpless against the rampaging Ogre Magi.

"Please! I'm sorry! I can get you anything you need!" The archer tried to bargain with Aggron Stonebreaker. Both heads turned to each other and said sarcastically,

"Oh, really?"

"Yes! Anything! Please just spare me!"

"What about a beating?" The left head said as he clobbered the archer on the head with the club, settling the deal with only one hit.

"Ha ha! Outsmarted him!" "Yeah, ha ha ha ha!" The heads laughed merrily after they slaughtered a whole squadron of archers. Now with some free time, Aggron Stonebreaker started to yank out the bolts in his flesh. All of them luckily came out whole; each one leaving behind a small trickle of blood from where the bolt entered. Once Aggron was done patching up, Shrek came over and lent his right shoulder back to him.

"We're going up. Hang on. There's no doubt there will be a welcoming committee." Shrek said as he jumped over Farquaad's speaking platform and tightly dug his fist into the brickwork of the castle. All the ogres had to do now was get to the top and locate Lord Farquaad.


	6. Chapter 6: Showdown

Lord Farquaad managed to make it to the top of his castle and alerted all the guards about the rampaging pair of ogres outside his castle. Each of them nervously turned their head to each other upon hearing the word "ogre". Farquaad sat his tiny ass on his throne and gave a resounding speech.

"Now, listen here, all of you! I know there's a lot of Fairy-Tale Freaks out in the world, and I know that you know the drill by now, but this one is serious! What we have here seems to be a giant ogre, and a normal-sized, but two-headed ogre trying to kill us all!"

Some of the knights' legs were quivering upon hearing the current conditions.

"Ogres? Giant ogres, even? Coming here?" One of them spoke out in an outrage.

"Yes, that's what I just said! Now, you, being my finest men, I know that this is nothing you cannot handle. Hopefully…" Farquaad said, adding the last bit as silent as he could through his own lips.

"How long we do have?" Another knight said. Farquaad shrugged his shoulders, not understanding his guard's terror.

Shrek and Aggron Stonebreaker were scaling Lord Farquaad's castle with only one thing in mind: violence. Each time Shrek yanked his meaty fist out of the brick work, dozens of bricks fell out of place and tumbled down to the ground where they killed several more unlucky citizens trying to flee the arena. He had a long, long way to go before he scaled the top. To try and speed things up, he sparked a conversation with his friend on various topics,

"How much longer till I go back to normal?"

"Oh, you're good for a while." "I think." Aggron said. Shrek grunted in dismay. Any second he could fall and turn into a viscous, swampy liquid in a fit of failure from reverting back to his normal size. Still, he climbed on and continued to convene,

"After this is done, what're you gonna do then? I have me a swamp, but I don't know about you."

"Can we come with you?" "You're our friend. I like you." Aggron pleaded.

"Well… I don't know. You've done me a great deal of help, that magic o' yours. I supposed it's only fair you can come to me swamp." Shrek answered. He highly valued his privacy, and hated having guests over. Yet, this time was different.

"Really? I mean, we don't have a home…" "Oh boy, this is going to be fun! We can stay up and tell each other stories!" Aggron's head chatted.

"Yes, yes, you can come live with me after this is all over. Maybe teach me a trick or two. Magi, you got a good grip and some more mana?" Shrek was starting to get tired of having to climb up Farquaad's castle.

"We don't have much." "We can make it work!" "Can we?" "Uh, maybe?"

"Just give me what you can!"

Shrek took a deep breath and suddenly threw every muscle in his giant body into overtime. He was climbing the castle with all his might, scaling it much, much quicker like his life depended on it. Aggron Stonebreaker threw in almost all of his remaining mana into bloodlust spells, making Shrek grew at least ten times his normal size. His strength increased exponentially as he was now skillfully climbing up Farquaad's castle dozens of meters in a single instance. He managed to near the top of the castle in only a matter of a few minutes thanks to all the magic.

Shrek growled before winding up his right arm to punch a sizeable hole in the wall. His malicious fist burrowed through the brickwork of the castle, starting an opening in the side. Shrek dug his hand in the hole and started to tear away the surrounding brickwork until the hole was big enough for him. All present on the top floor of Lord Farquaad's castle had nearly shat themselves from the initial punch.

"The ogre's here! What are you waiting for? Keep him out!" Farquaad demanded, not budging from his throne. All the guards stared aimlessly at the massive green hand ripping open a pathway to the high throne room. Not one guard wanted to go forward in fear of getting grabbed or mashed from Shrek.

"Dammit! What is wrong with you? When I say keep him out, I don't mean just stand there and wait for him to come in, I say keep him out!" Farquaad shouted in rage. His guards had no courage to combat the menace that was about to enter the castle.

A hole big enough to let Shrek slip through was made as he climbed in the throne room. The ceiling was remarkably high; at least one hundred feet like Shrek was right now. At the far end of the room sat Lord Farquaad, gritting his teeth at the unwelcomed guest. All the knights scrambled towards their lord to make one final defense against Shrek and Aggron Stonebreaker. All of them were also stunned at seeing a hundred-foot, topless, somewhat out of shape ogre stand before them. Shrek turned towards Lord Farquaad and the group of knights in front of him, pointing their weapons at the fierce ogre.

"So, it's come to this," Lord Farquaad said as he put both his arms on the throne's arm rests to try and take a more civil approach. "The Fairy-Tale Freak and his friend have come to Duloc to do what, exactly? Ruin everything I had envisioned and murder everybody that you laid eyes on?" Farquaad got a whiff of the even more potent odor that followed Shrek wherever he went.

"Gah, what the hell is that smell? It's like a thousand years' worth of beer and cabbages!" he coughed, pinching his nose and turning away.

Aggron Stonebreaker slid down Shrek's arm, but lost his grip and tumbled the rest of the way down when he got to his wrist. He landed on his back and remained there for a full minute before getting up. His free hand was rubbing his ass to try and ease the pain.

"Ow, ow, ow…" The left head said.

"Yous best give me up now before its too late!" The right head demanded. Farquaad reclined further back into his throne.

"If you've come all this way just to pay your respects to me, I'll gladly accept that. I am the finest ruler in all of the land; whatever you could possibly have on your mind, I could grant it at my word right now and we can end this travesty." Farquaad said, trying to deceive the simple minded ogre. Aggron Stonebreaker's heads were very intrigued.

"Anything?" Both heads asked in curiosity. Shrek was startled by Aggron Stonebreaker's comment.

"Why, of course! Anything! Whether it's a pool full of gold, or enough food to give you a fancy feast every night, anything on your mind I'll grant. Perhaps we can make a deal after all!" Farquaad explained. Shrek looked down and contemplated the situation.

"Anything?" Shrek asked.

"Anything you could put a price on."

That gave Shrek an idea, for he knew what had the highest price of them all. He looked down at Lord Farquaad and his guards, before turning around slowly as if he were morbidly depressed(possibly over the fact he is a hideous creature that probably should not exist) and started to walk away. Each footstep was akin to a thunderbolt ripping across the sky as various things in the room were shaken up. Aggron Stonebreaker saw Shrek walk away and quickly accompanied him on his side, scared and lonely.

"Shrek, what are ya' doin?" "He could give us anything!" The heads pleaded.

"Exactly." Shrek whispered back.

At the other end of the room, Shrek stopped in his tracks. He slowly but firmly took in as much air as he could. A familiar rumbling could be felt brewing in his gut. It grew stronger and stronger until it could barely be audible to all present in the throne room. Shrek squatted slightly and pointed his ass precisely at Lord Farquaad. His sweaty hands were placed on his asscheeks, spreading them apart to the limits of his inexplicably stretchy and durable swamp pants that were only covering up his groin and rear section by now. Shrek swallowed as much air as he could and started to channel the energy inside him to his rear end.

As much air as he could take in was sucked into his belly as Shrek let loose the most thunderous and polluted fart he would ever experience. A thick, dark-green funk of internal gases and tiny particles of fecal matter shot out of Shrek's asshole like a cannon. The mass of gas washed over Lord Farquaad and all the knights surrounding him, making the skin on their faces flap and ripple like a thin cloth hung out during a hurricane. Luckily for Farquaad, he pinched his nose tightly so he did not catch a whiff of the fart. But like all the others, his ears rang like no tomorrow in the deafening gas cloud, his eyes burned as if his head got dunked in acid, and the knights were pinned against the wall from the sheer force of the air blasting them. A seemingly endless assault of hazardous fumes shot out of Shrek, starting to shake the bricks on the wall loose.

Aggron Stonebreaker's heart (or maybe stomach) fluttered like no tomorrow, as he saw the greatest fart an ogre would ever witness. Merely seeing the fart seemed to rejuvenate his inner mana pool and his intellect. Shrek was now concentrating hard enough to burst open most of the veins in his forehead as he put in all his effort in the fart. It was greatly intensified and begging to have one thing added to it to make it truly the stuff of legends…

"FIRE!"

Aggron Stonebreaker unleashed a fireblast spell on the fart cloud with all his might and mana. An infantile mass of open flame shot out of the club's mouth and joined together with the fart. Almost instantaneously, the mass of gas was transmuted into a mass of raging and untamable fire. The last thing Lord Farquaad saw and felt was a tremendous wave of fire rush over him and his guards in an explosion of epic proportions. The added energy was more than enough to completely disintegrate all on the receiving end of Shrek as the back wall completely collapsed and was knocked back in hundreds of pieces. Some of the ceiling was torn apart from the fiery fart as Shrek's asshole received second-degree burns from some fire going inside his sphincter. Just after the wall gave out, the monstrous flow of gases started to trickle down, and eventually ceased, as Shrek's asshole felt sore and his bowels hollow.

"He he he! Ah hahahaha ha ha!" Aggron Stonebreaker laughed as hard as his lungs could allow at their greatest triumph. Shrek turned around grinned tiredly but proudly at the destruction that ensued. During the last few moments of him being colossal, he sauntered over to the newly made hole at the end of the throne room. He peered down, seeing very tiny specs of debris fall to the earth.

Shrek took the deepest breath he could take, closed his eyes tightly, and looked up at the sky as he set free a deafening, animalistic howl that shook every inch of the land, to let all know that he had fulfilled his purpose.


End file.
